Driving while Stupid

Stuipd driver



Dave Barry

       Dave Barry, the writer of “Driving While Stupid” has to be one of the best writers I have appreciated reading for many years.  His is the male to our Erma Baumbeck. In 1983, I was lucky enough to catch his show ‘The Taming of the Shrew,’ when I was on vacation in Montana. I will never forget two of his one-liners, he said, “Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking,” and, ‘It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.” It would probably surprise you that Barry won the Pulitzer Prize; it was not surprising to me. Driving While Stupid, by Barry is a great example of his work. He can take an issue of any kind and put it to humor. You can follow Barry’s blog by going to www. blogs.herald.com/

After reading Barry’s article on Driving While Stupid, it reminded me of a bus trip I was on a few years ago.  I had been staring out the window of the bus, just looking at the scenery, when this girl drove up to the side of  bus.  As I watched her from the window, I was horrified to see what I was starring at. This girl, in her 30’s, had one leg crossed over her lap, and her steering wheel was being used as the phone book holder. I must have spoken very loud at this point, because the people sitting on the left side of the bus immediately dropped what they were doing and came to my side.  We all watched this girl, driving at approx, 65 mph, her right leg steering the car.  In her left hand, she had a cell phone, and in her ear, she had a Bluetooth.                                              

We watched as she turned the pages of this phonebook and punched numbers on her cell phone.  With the bus on her side, she looked up and noticed all of us just looking at her, and to our amazement, she waved with her free right hand.  We drove side by side for miles, and we all just watched her stupidly.  Then, my mom took out a bingo maker, wrote something on paper, and placed it in the window.  The sign said, ‘We have your plate number,” and on her next sign, she put, “and we are calling the State Police.’  In turn the girl gave my mom the ‘The National Signal’, she gave my mom the finger.  With that, my mom makes yet another sign.  On this piece of paper, she drew the sign of a crosss and on the back she wrote, ‘You’re going to need this!

            I conclude with a wonderful quote by Barry, The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.